Smash and Grab

We all know a Wonder Women. She is the one that you know will save you. When you are lost she will help you find your way. When you’re stuck she will build you a ramp to get you out.

You’re right, she is a Super Hero. The thing is though, even Super Heroes need a break. They need time and space to rescue their own damn selves. And that simply isn’t possible while saving you simultaneously.

These are the times when heroes need to mend. Regenerate their strength in whatever way they can. She needs to be surrounded by other strong people, places and ideas so that she can focus on her healing.

The thing is, she likes being super human. She likes being the one you need. But just because she likes it, doesn’t give you an invitation to use her.

If you have a Super person in your life, the best thing you can do is learn from them. Stop taking pieces of them. 

At the very least, don’t steal from the front register, while also ripping off the backroom.

Learn.

Grow.

Be something Super yourself.

Is This a Plan…

I am thinking it’s a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and
When we kiss they’re perfectly alignedAnd I have to speculate
That God himself did make us into
Corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces
From the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch
But it’s thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head
When you’re away, when I am missing you to death

When you were out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
“Come down now,” they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
“Come down now,” but we’ll stay

I’ve tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
Sounded thin upon listening

That frankly will not fly
You will hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
“Come down now,” they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
“Come down now,” but we’ll say…

This is why you keep going, even when you can hardly take another step.

I realized today that I have not written in a while.  That was because I have not been feeling like myself lately and I didn’t want to just gripe on my blog about it.  But this weekend I was once again reminded that everything I have gone through in the past seven years has not been in vein.

Friday night my little sister, who is 15 years old, called me.  She sounded upset.  She started to tell me about a friend of hers who is having a little bit of trouble and is feeling slightly depressed.  She told me all about what her friend was going through.  And then asked me if he were to talk to the school counselor, could they call home and tell his Father? 

I explained that they could, and most definitly would.  This was not the answer she was looking for, as her friend really doesn’t want the school to call his father.  She than asked what else he could do.

This is when I told her about a time in my life when, at the time, I did not feel that turning to my parents was an option.  I told her about Crisis Services.  I told her that he could call them and they would be able to set up whatever sort of help he needed.  I then told her that I would also be more than willing to take her friend wherever he needed to go.

When I go done explaining, my sister first told me that she was not aware of that specific event that I had just told her about.  This took me back a bit, as I always just thought I had told her about most of my past.

She than said something that she has said only once before.  She told me that she was so glad that she could call.  And that when her friend had come to her she immediately asked him if it was alright if she called her big sister because she knew that I would know what to do.  She has done this once before and it seems to happen just when I need it to the most.

 You see, when I get a call like that from my sister, it reminds me that even though I have not always seen the reasons for why I had gone through so much, I always knew that someday it would all be worth it.  And that someday I would be stronger, and better able to help others. 

These moments are the moments I live for.  These are the moment when you know that you are needed.

 Good night!

Why does a visit to the past hurt so much?

Well,  today was a day that I have been dreading for quite some time.  I’ve known for a while that I needed to see the doctor, and today was the day.  I guess I was hoping to hear something new.  Something better.  But… no such luck.  Same old, Same old.

Do this, and hopefully this will happen.

Don’t do this and things will stay the same.

I don’t know, I just needed more than that today.  Of course I am willing to give anything a try at this point.  But why am I so reluctant? 

And the worst part of this was that I had to go to a new doctor, who has never seen me before.  And for that reason I had to go back through 7 years of hell so that this doctor could get my history.

History is just that; history!  And I just wish I could keep it that way.  Again, no such luck.  I am sitting here with every horrible memory from my past vividly playing back in my brain. 

I’ve let so many people down.  I was always supposed to be the chipper, smart, funny, athletic girl that every one knew me to be.  And yet time after time, I slip and fall, and show a weakness unlike any other.  I don’t want to be weak.  I need to be strong.  I need to be that woman who can take on anything.  And smile all the way through it.

Perhaps I will get there again.  I want to be the woman that people see in me.  I want to be that woman, and I want to know that woman again.

Good night all.

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