The Search for Words

To be a writer and to be unable to put words to something is unfathomable.

It’s like dying of thirst whilst being surrounded by a sea of saltwater.

It’s like being enveloped in flames only to be doused by even more gasoline.

To have a feeling that I can scarcely form a thought around, let alone polish it into a perfectly posed prose, that is profound.

It’s elusiveness makes it all the more alluring.

I’ll take the thirst.

I’ll keep the fire smoldering.

Wake Up, Walk On

Wake up and put your smiles on

Everybody wake up and put that smile on.

Hold it there now matter what.

Don’t ever let it fall.

One foot in front of the other.

Do not trip, do not slip. 

Don’t let them see you falter.

Keep your thoughts to yourself.

Keep that smile on, don’t open your lips.

Guard your heart, guard your mind.

Don’t let them see you. Don’t.

Keep walking straight ahead.

Do not slow down, do not stop.

No time to think, just keep going.

Eyes dead ahead.

Soften your stare as to not see.

What may be passing you by.

It may be real. 

Do not stop to wonder.

Do not put that smile down.

Do not idle your step.

Close your eyes and all you’ll see

May be what you ought not see.

Wake up, walk on. Wake up, walk on.

Bitter Sweet…

My Girl and Me

At the risk of sounding cliche, it’s the only title to seem to suit the following post.

Is it you, or is it me?

Is it true, we just can’t be?

Things are hard these days. It has been a month of fighting every day. Sometimes we can’t even look at each other without starting a fight. I’m not even sure when all of this started, but it doesn’t seem to be ending any time soon.

We disagree on almost everything, but we can’t seem to agree to disagree. One of us always wants the other one to see things her way. This drive me up the wall because I feel like we could work out if we could only reside in the fact that we are not the same people, therefore we will not see things the same way.

I don’t have to be a dog lover to love a dog lover.

She doesn’t have to love Catholicism to love a catholic.

But relationships have to contain a certain level of respect in order for these differences to be a complement as apposed to a detriment.

The thing is, I don’t have the answer! I don’t know how to save this relationship. All I know is that I need some help soon with this or I’m afraid our relationship will be just another love lost.

Call Me What You Will…

i·de·al·ist  

–noun

1. a person who cherishes or pursues high or noble principles, purposes, goals, etc.
2. a visionary or impractical person.
3. a person who represents things as they might or should be rather than as they are.
4. a writer or artist who treats subjects imaginatively.
5. a person who accepts the doctrines of idealism.

2. romantic, dreamer, stargazer.

Is it Possible to Ignore Our Fears…?

Well, It has again been a wonderful weekend! 

“Dude, get away from my… girlfriend!”  Duh, Jenn-1 Col-1

Perhaps it is possible to cast the fear aside.  But in the same sense, maybe we don’t have to.  Maybe we can still be scared, and cautious.  Is it possible that all we need to do is talk about this?

I found a Poem that seems to say quite a bit of what I am feeling this afternoon!

“I think of you every day.
While you cannot be here,
I am already there
In my mind
Fading behind city bustle, the present moment wanes.
A distant image, reflected only in photographs.

I never know when I’ll see you again
If I’ll ever see you again
So I treasure the one poem, the only picture I have of you
I hold them tight, never to let you go.

And I wonder sometimes,
Have I completely lost my mind?

We’re friends, I chant to myself:
Friends
Friends
Friends
As if chanting would somehow change the truth
Somehow soothe the soul
Somehow calm the questioning mind,
As it relentlessly presses forward:
What if?
What if I had spoken my mind?
What if I had cast aside my fears?
What if you had agreed?
Where would we be today?

But today is not yesterday
And yesterday is not tomorrow
So I go about daily life,
Forcing normality throughout.
Nor…mal
No…r…ma….l
Nnn…o…r…mmm…aaa…llll
If you chant a word long enough,
It begins to lose meaning
Dissecting compound consonants
To revel in the flesh of vowels.

For now, I revel in our memories
Remembering our magical times together
Hoping that one day you will return
In person
So that we can rewind a bit
This film called Life
And press play again.

This time we will do it right.”


 

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