Filters can’t hide this.
They can’t cover the circles under my eyes, or the red puffiness from crying.
Not one of them can put the normal sparkle in my smile.
Maybe you can’t see it, but I do.
I’ve gotten real good at not letting on in public. Wouldn’t want to be a downer.
I keep pushing through, because I know that one of these days I’m going to wake up and feel like myself, who ever that is.
I know that if I continue to do the things I’ve always done I’ll be okay again.
It’s been a while. It’s been over a year now since I’ve felt like me.
I have moments and days that feel better than others, but it’s been a struggle.
Before you judge me, you should know I’m not new to this.
I do my mindfulness exercises, my gratitude journal. I go to the doctors. I help others first. I feed my body and my soul. I cut out the things that I know bring me down.
I pray. Shit, I beg at night in my bed. Silently.
I’m still waiting.