One could look at me and think, “She is tough.” Or, “She has it all together.”
This has been what I worked for, for the past 9 years. I wanted nothing more than to be self sufficient. It was my prerogative to be wild, free and strong.
That being said, In all of my past relationships I have been the leader. The dominant personality. I have been a “wife” my entire life it seems.
One day, recently, I thought to myself; What if that isn’t how it has to be? What if I can have someone stronger. Someone who will be able to pick me up when I can’t walk another step. Someone who will see when I am loosing ground and reach out their hand to help pull me through.
What if. Just what if I could have all of these things from one person?
I had resided in the fact that I would get certain things that I need from certain people. I truly believed that I would have to settle for that.
I told myself that I would have someone that held me each night and loved me.
I would have someone else that I could talk to about everything, and actually have a conversation.
There would be another person in my life that would give me advise.
And yet another who would put me in my place when I need it.
Until today, I believed that I could not have it all in one person. I now know that I was wrong. I was selling myself short. I was trying to fit one person into my life that didn’t fit quite perfectly. I did that by getting what she couldn’t give me from others in my life.
It was exhausting. One day, I was too tired. I had to let go.
I need it all. I want it all. And now I know, I can have it all.
As my mother has always told me; “Jennifer, it is okay to need people.”
Well, Jennifer now knows this.
I now know what there is someone who is strong enough to take me on. Someone that is everything I need and more. Someone will be there that doesn’t leave me wanting more.
That, that right there, is the power and the strength I am searching for!