Old Fashioned

One could look at me and think, “She is tough.”  Or, “She has it all together.”

This has been what I worked for,  for the past 9 years.  I wanted nothing more than to be self sufficient.  It was my prerogative to be wild, free and strong.

That being said, In all of my past relationships I have been the leader.  The dominant personality.  I have been a “wife” my entire life it seems.

One day, recently, I thought to myself; What if that isn’t how it has to be?  What if I can have someone stronger.  Someone who will be able to pick me up when I can’t walk another step.  Someone who will see when I am loosing ground and reach out their hand to help pull me through.

What if.  Just what if I could have all of these things from one person?

I had resided in the fact that I would get certain things that I need from certain people.  I truly believed that I would have to settle for that.

I told myself that I would have someone that held me each night and loved me.

I would have someone else that I could talk to about everything, and actually have a conversation.

There would be another person in my life that would give me advise.

And yet another who would put me in my place when I need it.

Until today, I believed that I could not have it all in one person.  I now know that I was wrong.  I was selling myself short.  I was trying to fit one person into my life that didn’t fit quite perfectly.  I did that by getting what she couldn’t give me from others in my life.

It was exhausting.  One day, I was too tired.  I had to let go.

I need it all.  I want it all.  And now I know, I can have it all.

As my mother has always told me; “Jennifer, it is okay to need people.”

Well, Jennifer now knows this.

I now know what there is someone who is strong enough to take me on.  Someone that is everything I need and more.  Someone will be there that doesn’t leave me wanting more.

That, that right there, is the power and the strength I am searching for!