Plain and Simple

“Just because you love someone, doesn’t meen that they will love you back. ”

That saying is so simple, and yet it is the one thing that makes the most sence to me right now. 

I love her.  I always will, that is just the way I am.  I don’t love on a whim, and I never will.  The love I give someone will always be there, even after the romance is gone. 

But I do know that the relationship was unhealthy.  I know now that I should have left her the day she told me she was going to break up with me so that she wouldn’t hurt me anymore.  I should have left the day she wanted to see a hockey game more than me.  Or the day I realized she had come to see me three times, as opposed to my 30.  Or better yet, the night she told me that I didn’t have what it takes to quit smoking. (3 months with out a smoke by the way)

However, while I was in the relationship, I couldn’t see those things.  I didn’t really start to question our relationship until I realized that I was about to interview for a job to move closer to her, and yet I knew I wouldn’t take the job unless they gave me enough money to live on the opposite side of the river from her… didn’t make me feel good.

I put Col on a pedestol.  I believed she was someone whom indeed she is not.  I was just another girl.  She was my world.  That is quite a big difference. 

I do not hate her.  I never could.  I’m hurt by her lack of compassion right now, but I do not dislike her.  I’m still looking for her to be the woman that I fell in love with.  She stopped being that woman after week three of our relationship, so she will certainly not be that woman now.

I still believe she is a good person and all of that blah blah blah…. (read previose posts and you will know how highly I reguard my ex) But right now, I just need to gain strength to let go of my idealistic images of this woman. 

PS  Again, thank you to all of the wonderful people I have met in the past three weeks!  You are all amazing! 

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