“Just because you love someone, doesn’t meen that they will love you back. ”
That saying is so simple, and yet it is the one thing that makes the most sence to me right now.
I love her. I always will, that is just the way I am. I don’t love on a whim, and I never will. The love I give someone will always be there, even after the romance is gone.
But I do know that the relationship was unhealthy. I know now that I should have left her the day she told me she was going to break up with me so that she wouldn’t hurt me anymore. I should have left the day she wanted to see a hockey game more than me. Or the day I realized she had come to see me three times, as opposed to my 30. Or better yet, the night she told me that I didn’t have what it takes to quit smoking. (3 months with out a smoke by the way)
However, while I was in the relationship, I couldn’t see those things. I didn’t really start to question our relationship until I realized that I was about to interview for a job to move closer to her, and yet I knew I wouldn’t take the job unless they gave me enough money to live on the opposite side of the river from her… didn’t make me feel good.
I put Col on a pedestol. I believed she was someone whom indeed she is not. I was just another girl. She was my world. That is quite a big difference.
I do not hate her. I never could. I’m hurt by her lack of compassion right now, but I do not dislike her. I’m still looking for her to be the woman that I fell in love with. She stopped being that woman after week three of our relationship, so she will certainly not be that woman now.
I still believe she is a good person and all of that blah blah blah…. (read previose posts and you will know how highly I reguard my ex) But right now, I just need to gain strength to let go of my idealistic images of this woman.
PS Again, thank you to all of the wonderful people I have met in the past three weeks! You are all amazing!