I tried not to send it to her… But the curls were just another thing in my life that came as a result of her….
Well, I went almost a week without speaking to Col on the phone. We were texting every other day, but we were not speaking. Finally on Wednesday night I broke down and called. I just wanted to hear her.
I got off the phone that night knowing that she did indeed think about me. She does miss me too. I believe that may really be what I needed to know. I also was reminded of why we are not together a few times during that phone call. So I needed that too.
It’s just hard to remember the pain when all I can think about are the good things that I miss. So it was real good to hear her say some of the same things in the same way she always has that night.
I don’t know if I will ever completely be able to give up on her. I think a part of me will always hope she realizes that she chould have had some really good things in her life if only she would give freely.
Still, I just can’t stop thinking about how much she meant to me. She has had such a huge impact on my life. Everyone says it will take so long to get over her. I agree. I look at other women and I just to see what I saw in her. Still can’t believe I could have been so wrong about what I felt.
Do you think she sees what our relationship meant to me? Can she see that way she changed my life? So many huge changes… scares me a bit. Now I feel like I don’t have that best friend in my life. And I know, even though I wish I was, I am just not strong enough to be chums yet. I’m still caught up in her. I think until I can honestly say that my heart doesn’t jump when the phone rings… I won’t be 100% able to be the right kind of friend.
I would like to be able to heal with each other. And maybe it is possible since we live so far… who knows… “if I had all the answers, I would not hold them from you.”