Continued…. (My Response: Part II)

4) Am I willing to take the chance, whatever it may be?

             Yes, Yes and, Heck yes.  What is life if it isn’t about taking chances.  Knowing you in and of itself has been the most amazing thing to happen to be in quite some time!  I am here, and I will take all the chances in the world with, and for you.  If you think about it long enough, you will remember the many chances I have already taken with you.

5)  If a person makes you look into, or at yourself, keep that person around. 

           Those are the real people.  Other people in your life might make you feel great about yourself 100% of the time, that is completely unrealistic.  Those you love you will do their best to be honest with you, and at times this may make you look inside yourself.  And you will not always like what you see.  No one ever likes thyself 100% of the time.  That is why we are all constantly striving to be better. 

6)  Duck Everyone!  (Duck sp??)

         I am so sorry that people are able to put doubts and insecurities in your head.  But I do believe, and have always said to you, that what you feel is what you feel.  No one can make you feel that way, or stop you from feeling that way for that matter. 

7)  Excited to have me lying next to you.

          Blank # of Days and a Wake up!  I love it baby.  Granted, I can’t wait until that day we don’t have to count.  But in the mean time, it gives us something that other do not have.  It forces us to really value each and every moment we spend together.  We do not have the luxury of saying; “Fuck it, you made me mad, i’m going home for the night.”  We have to stick it through and work things out.  And I for one, LOVE THAT!

8)  It makes me extremely happy that I can baffle you and amaze you.  Those three lines in this “letter” may quite possibly be my favorite.

     Darling, you baffle me each day.  I have more respect for you and where you have been, and what you do, and what you will do in your life than I can say I have for just about anyone I know.

9)  I too love it when we laugh uncontrollably.  I love those moments when there is not a care in the world between the two of us.  I have said the whole time through, that there are enough battle to be fought in this life, why should our love be one of them.

10)  When you truly love someone, and truely believe they are beautiful, you do not need to tell them all the time.

            When you truly believe those things, it shows in your face.  I can feel it in your touch.  I can hear it in your voice.   Your voice gets softer.  Your touch heats up.  And your face glows red.  Seeing these words on paper however brings tears to my eyes.  Perhaps every once in a blue moon it would be really nice to hear those words come from your lips.

11)  We both love different things!

          That is the beauty of each of us being unique!  I love country, and you love Heavy and Hard!  I can only play darts, and you are the sports queen.  I can speak and write whatever I feel, and you can hardly admit your feeling to yourself.  These are the things that make being together fun.  I can’t wait to show you how to dive.  I can’t wait to warm up with you after a long, cold day of skiing/boarding.   I believe that we will have a long life of teaching each other new things.  And I also believe that we are both so open and adventurous, that we will learn many new and exciting things together.

12) I know that you are angry about letting all of your feeling and fear fester inside of you.  That is why I try to get you talk to me.  Even when you think it isn’t helping… it is.  It is letting it out. 

I once read something one that said; ” Love is letting go of fear”.  I read this on the back cover of a book as a very young child.  And baby, if is something that has stuck with me forever.  I took the book a couple of years back from my parents bookshelf because I had finally decided that I wanted to know why I was so captivated by this caption.  Basically, when you are afraid, you can not give or receive freely.  I am doing my best, and will continue to do my best to show you that you never need to be afraid of me.  I am not going to hurt you.  If I did not prove that to you on Friday, I don’t know how else I could. 

13)  You say you are afraid to be someone I don’t want.  You are afraid to let me down or be a disappointment.

To be honest I get confused at this one.  Because I read all of the above things you feel and think, and than I read this one.  And then I think about if your fear of these things would keep you from being hurtful, or at lease maybe you would think twice first.  You cried.  I thought you were crying because you were losing me.  I now realize that perhaps it had nothing to do with me at all.  It has only been less than 48 hours.  Am I out of sight out of mind?  When I am there do you love me, but when I am away it is easy to hate me?

14)  You are NOT A FUCK UP!  Every-time you say that, you are making your brain believe that bullshit even more.  I will still be here when you realise that you are not a fuck up.  I am not friggin’ going anywhere.  I am sick and tired of being pushed away.  I don’t deserve that in anyway.  I don’t deserve to be driving around a strange city crying my eyes out because my girlfriend seems to enjoy hurting me and pushing me away. 

I am so afraid that the words on these sheets of paper will fade.  I want to believe all these words.  I am so confused about why you wrote them, and then hours later you did the same thing all over again.  I am honestly confused about that.  I woke up next to you with tears in my eyes, and looked at you with tears in yours.  You held me more close then you ever have before.  You told me you were so sorry for being such an asshole.  I love you.  I know that you are not that mean woman.  This weekend at the pier, it happened again.  You blushed.  You got all pink, and you turned your head away from me.  That was the most perfect moment of the weekend.  Oh, that and when you picked me up and put my on the bed.  I know I bitch about that, but guess what…. I LOVE IT! 


Greenish Brown; Female Sheep  =  Olive Ew


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