This is a friend…

Friend:  You know what you are doing right?

Me: Yup, please make me stop.

Friend:  I am going to say something now, I’ve been listening for weeks, and now I am finally going to say something…

Me:  Please, just say it.

Friend:  When you ask your best friend, me, to hang out, and I tell you I am not up to it, do you get mad at me?

Me: Of course not!…. Oh god…

Friend:  Every type of relationship, starts as a friendship, and great relationship, romantic relationship, starts out at best friends… Don’t treat this any different.

Okay so my perspective:  I was having a real hard time understanding why I was behaving the way I was.  And I still am not sure why I was.  But I sure as hell, now, have an understanding of how not to behave that way.  This is all a learning thing.  I’ll never change who I am.  But I will, constantly, better who I am.  I will forever, every day, find something about myself that I can improve.  I am a handful, I don’t play that down in the least.  But I honestly believe that I am worth it.  And please, this is not me being cocky, I don’t think I have bone like that in my body.  But it is me, being hopeless.  These negative things about me… somehow, someway, they are cute…dare I say endearing?  If someone can understand that I never mean to be “that girl”, they might just be flattered by the way I behave.  Or maybe I am wrong.  however, I am from now on, going to treat everyone as my best friend.

I will never be mad when my best friend doesn’t want to hang out.  I will never think that my best friend is uninterested in me when they say they are too busy on that given day… So why should I give anyone else, anything less than that?

Honestly, I feel so much better.  I feel like this really made sense to me.  And made me understand what I was doing.  I love you Tracy!  I love you with all of my heart!

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